Why is dating so awful? It’s the girl’s fault. Haha no just kidding. The real answer depends on what we mean by dating. When I say dating is awful, I mean modern dating. Dating today is the worst. That doesn’t mean dating in the past was the end all be all, all I can do is speak about today, and today dating is no bueno. But why though? Well there are a few key reasons that add to the mess that is modern dating. Here’s why I think dating today is doomed from the get-go. And I’m guilty of all this so don’t hear me being all high and mighty, I’ve been a big part of the problem too!
1. I like the way you look
2. Zero commitment
5. No standard of love
I like the way you look. This is how we start off our relationships. “That girl is sexy, I want to go on a date with her.” Uhhh no you just like the way her body looks bro. “Oh man, this girl is the one! She’s got it all man, she could be the one to finally settle me down.” Wow dude, that’s incredible! What does she believe about God? Do you guys share the same worldview? What’s her political stance? Does she want a big family or a small one? Does she want kids at all? How’s her relationship with her father? “Well I don’t know all that man, I just met her…” Hahaha do you see what I’m getting at? And again I’ve said all of that stuff and far more ridiculous things about “finding the one” when in reality I just found a young lady who I was extremely attracted to. But as Kid Cudi says “everything that’s pretty ain’t always good for me” and I’ve learned that the hard way. Starting off a relationship based solely on how a person looks is actually incredibly shallow. “But Park, I can’t be with someone I’m not attracted to!!” Well, duh. I’m just saying maybe get to know someone a bit before you jump all in and “give them your heart”. If you’re a Christian reading this, maybe serve with them in children’s ministry or youth group, go on a group date with a bunch of your friends, yeah like the middle schoolers do, so what? If you’re not a Christian reading this, maybe try meeting someone with similar interests as you, if you like dogs bring yours to the dog park, if you’re an athlete join a rec league or co-Ed league. I don’t know, figure it out haha but maybe meeting someone in a bar when you’re both plastered isn’t the best way to find your “soul mate”, just saying.
Zero commitment. “Talking” is an absolute joke. “Hey girl, are you and Steve dating?” “No we are just talking, we text all day everyday, I drive to his house late at night to hook up but you know, nothing serious”. What is that crap? Today we do this weird thing where we get someone’s number or we message them on Facebook or one of the millions of other social media things. From there we talk and talk and talk and talk, about what? Anything. Everything. Nothing. We have these weird no commitment relationships where we can be who ever our Facebook says we are, we don’t have to sit across from someone and try to be funny, we can just wait a few minutes to come up with the right come back. I’m sure you’re familiar with the studies floating around about how millennials are becoming more “social” yet exceptionally antisocial all at once. We don’t commit to one another. We are physically attracted to one another but that only gets you so far, and since we don’t actually know each other that well, naturally we aren’t that committed to one another. There is a real fear that this person I’m “seeing” or “talking to” or “dating” or “together with” can up and leave at any moment. I’m not saying you should be ready to marry this person right away, but I am saying that maybe you should be a little more intentional with your relationships. Perhaps the man should act like a man and tell the lady his intentions. Perhaps the young woman should make the guy work for her affection and if he’s not willing to then he’s not worth it. I’m just saying.
Sex. Girls use sex to get affection, guys use affection to get sex. That doesn’t mean the “modern woman” doesn’t enjoy sex as well, I’m just saying we have different expectations and we are chasing each other with different starting points and if we don’t recognize that we’ll never end up at the same spot. Sex without commitment is not “free love” it’s a nightmare. Within the bonds of commitment you are actually free to love. You’re free to be yourself. You’re free from trying to impress every member of the opposite sex because you’re committed to just one of them. If they like the way you dress, smell, look, talk etc… Then you’ve won! Congrats. There is a lot more I could say and even more that I shouldn’t say. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am the chief of sinners. I’m not condemning you, I’m saying if you think modern dating is the worst, give this some thought.
Selfishness. Think about what you like about your “significant other”. A lot of us will have to admit that we just like the way they make us feel. Yuck. What happens when they’re having a bad day? When then we pull out that quote about “having the courage to walk away from anything that no longer serves us or makes us feel happy blah blah blah vomit noise”. That’s not love, that’s not a relationship, that’s vanity and selfish. I’ve been this person many many times in my life and I’ve realized It’s not even fun. When you make yourself the purpose of your relationships it’s too much, and when someone lets you do that you even lose interest in them. Selfishness is one of the great relationship killers and it’s a big contributor to why modern dating sucks so bad.
No standard of love. We throw this word around way too often, and we know it. There are countless songs even talking about how we say I love you too much, yet we still do. And we all have our own definition of what love really is. We cheapen love, yet we worship it. We steal all it’s meaning then perpetuate it’s empty ethic over and over. We have to say stuff like “I love you and I like you” because we don’t know what love means anymore. We are lost with no definition. What is Love? Who’s definition of Love? We continue to treat Love as this great brute fact that “no one can explain, but everyone knows when they see it”. And what does it mean to “believe” in a culture that continues to deny absolutes in order to justify our our own lifestyles? Believe is a moral statement just as much as it is an epistemic statement, it comes with an ought, you ought to believe in Love. So by what standard are we being told we ought to believe and who’s definition of Love? What kind of love? Love between parents and children? Romantic love? Brotherly love? Love for God? I know it’s “not that big of a deal” but i think this describes our culture pretty well. We say we believe in love and we worship it. But what is it? By denying our Creator, the Triune God of the Bible, we are left with no definition of love, love collapses into romantic sentimentalism and lust or our brain’s chemical processes. But we dig our feet in! We believe in LOVE, and our feet are planted firmly in mid air… I get a little worked up on this topic and most of that is because I’ve been such an idiot throughout my whole life. So if you’re reading any anger in this is mostly directed at Parker Settecase.
This could be a lot longer for sure. But these are just a couple things I’ve noticed. Maybe you have a super bomb relationship right now but I’m betting that you can relate to at least a little bit of what I’ve said. I don’t have all the answers but maybe fixing these couple areas could help us all enjoy dating a little bit more. Maybe not.